There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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