how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
