My nipple is on Facebook.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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