i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
