So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
