I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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