There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
