I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
