I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
