Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
