The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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