If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
