you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
