He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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