Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Already got asked if we're dating
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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