You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Bring me that man meat
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