I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
