She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
