btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im holly from the hills drunk
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
