Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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