He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
