we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
