Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
