she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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