I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
