my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
