My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
