I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
