Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
