There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
