KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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