Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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