Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
