Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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