i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
