he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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