im holly from the hills drunk
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
