I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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