I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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