the condom got lost in my hair
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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