I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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