So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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