Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I believe in your delicious
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
