I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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