I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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