he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
