I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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