So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
