no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
