my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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