dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
