She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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