Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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