the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
