Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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