You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
