Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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