Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
