I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
