there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
