If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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