I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Houston, we have a blender
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
