I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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