So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This house was built for laser tag.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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