I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
