It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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